I'm in a "waiting to have a Talk" period about an long on-again off-again relationship (recently off/in limbo) thing. It's already been a while, but we talked about sitting down mid next week. He's away until then and we keep talking around it but the wait has been wreaking havoc on my concentration, and it's thesis writing time. I don't know where we stand, and I'm getting wildly mixed signals day to day, so I have no idea how it's going to go when we actually do Talk. I don't think he expects that what I actually want to say is that he has a choice between all in or all out, and that's it. No middle ground. I can't tell if he thinks we're going to ease back into things together, or just be friends...but we haven't been "just friends" in over 3 years, the last time we were "off" we didn't talk, and the rest of the time we were together and intense in some way or another. So being only friends after this is not an option for me. I hate waiting around to say that in person and I don't like talking on the phone normally in the meantime and being told things will "be ok again, it'll figure itself out", like tonight, even though I miss him when we don't talk, because what does that even mean?? I kind of tried to indicate that tonight but I don't think it made sense, and now I'm not getting work done. I'd rather wait and have the conversation than never have it at all, but waiting to get something off your chest in person and articulately feels terrible.
Anyway, fucked up situation is fucked up, sorry for the rant. Not really asking for advice I guess, just needed to vent somewhere where my coupled friends wouldn't tell me they don't get it and shouldn't I online date instead or something. As a distraction, here are lovely pictures of David Beckham playing soccer in ridiculously tight pants: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mattbellassai/a-very-important-thank-you-note-to-david-beckhams-tailor